the next right thing

Instead of being concerned with everything, just do the next right thing. (Thanks, David and Nicole Hannah.)

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

"The Lord is my portion," says my soul,

"therefore I will hope in him."

The Lord is good to those who wait for him,

to the soul who seeks him.

Lamentations 3:22-25

his glory, our good

Hello! I'm finally waking from my winter hibernation of no blogging... and this one is a doosey (spelling?!) for my heart.

After a three and a half day trek across the US with my dad (great conversations...) I started an internship at the MillerHull Partnership in Seattle. I am loving the city, the firm, and my roommate (totally blessed), but I have been feeling sad underneath everything I should be thankful for. A lot of the sadness is natural - I miss my awesome family (including our new puppy Abby), my wonderful boyfriend, my amazing friends and church and school back in Austin, and just how my life used to be. A big move is stressful and the adjustment to pacific time, working full time, and NO NATURAL LIGHT IN MY ROOM (I'm very upset about this) is rough! And after spending a lovely 8 whole days with Chase and his parents in the beautiful New Mexico mountains/Lindale/West Texas last week, I felt even more sad. I kept thinking, "What's wrong with me?! I'm supposed to be loving this adventure in a new city with new friends and new everything! How can I be sad?!" (Side note - my new friends are great and I am so thankful for them. Shoutout to Anne Marie and Hailey and Heather and Ali and Alex (and John and Tyler too)!!)

Well, I've learned that I'm impatient with life change. It actually takes a long time to adjust - and it's okay to miss my old things. (Thankfully this internship is only a few months and I get to go back to Austin/UT/Alyssa and the Gables.) I've also learned that I'm much more of a caretaker/nurturer/mother than I realized. I always take on that role - at home with my family, with all my roommates, obviously with all the kids I nannied and taught, even in studio - and no one needs me to take care of them here!

**Most importantly (I'm finally getting to the point), I re-learned today (after a lot of encouragement from Chase and Christine - thank you!!) that I can trust that God is working all things for his glory and my good because he promised he would!**

Here are a few passages that I feel drive home God's promise to glorify himself and provide for us, his beloved children:

1. Psalm 103:2-5
"Praise the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits -
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

I have to love this God! Praise his name!

2. Hebrews 12:10-11 (speaking of hardship as discipline) "Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they though best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

The promise and the peace... his glory and our good. Amazing.

3. Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

This includes when a) I don't agree, b) I didn't plan it that way, and c) I forget this promise. (Theme: God knows better than I)

4. Genesis 50:19-21 (when Joseph's brothers come to beg for food after they threw him in the pit and sold him off as a slave) "But Joseph said to them, 'Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.' And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.

Wow. First, Joseph is a stud. Second, God is so great! He works all things to bring himself glory, bring more souls to himself, and doesn't ever forget to provide for his children - even after we do terrible things!

5. Exodus 14:4 (After God proves how powerful he is over ten times (the plagues) and rescues his people from Pharaoh by parting a sea... and the people still don't believe how great God is at looking out for them when he asks them to turn back, God says:) "'And I will harden Pharaoh's heart, and he will pursue them. But I will gain glory for myself through Pharaoh and all his army, and the Egyptians will know that I am the Lord.' So the Israelites did this."

We can be pretty dense, but God never stops pursuing us. Thank God!


"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

potential

Does anyone else have this anxious impatience to do everything at once? It's overwhelming. When I think about everything I want to accomplish in this short life (start an environmental design company, mine landfills, become fluent in Spanish and German), everything I want to be a part of (a wonderful marriage, raising kids, an amazing church), all of the interests I want to explore (world travel, missions, literature, film, theater, music, art, cooking), and all of the potential that I have, I become paralyzed and unable to do any of it at all. Why is that? What's stopping me? Or am I just being impatient and need to take my time? Do I need to reassure myself that it will all happen - that what's really important will be completed? Am I lazy or am I just enjoying my free time?

I project an image that I am extremely productive, that I am intelligent and capable. Am I lying? I enjoy being productive, but I also enjoy sitting still. I crave achievement, and I simultaneously crave taking it easy. Is the pressure to be a self-made (wo)man yesterday ridiculous?

I have so many ideas that I must see realized. I have a mental list of dozens of books I have to read in addition to the handful I've started and have yet to finish. There's a Netflix queue with 57 films on it. Is there enough time?

I'm a pretty creative person, but every time I sit down to design something, even just to sketch, I experience this indescribable rush of fear and hesitance that often causes me to stand up and walk away. What am I afraid of? Failure? Disappointment? According to who?

Then I see films like this one: http://www.bonnieberrydesign.com/melancholia/movie/dep_final.mov I'm temporarily motivated but ultimately convinced that I won't measure up. Holy cow. (I reference the movie not for the subject matter but for its moving creativity. Bonnie Berry is a designer/mom and I'm thoroughly impressed with her work.)

I am six days away from my twenty-first birthday and two years away from finishing my first professional degree. I know no one expects me to have it figured out, but why do I feel so much pressure? Inhale. Exhale.