Stress is the killjoy of rest before productivity; boredom the killjoy of the reverse.
Stress is thrilling; boredom is freeing and fun.
I want to learn how to be bored.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
a canary and a lark
The following converstation occurred between a canary in a cage and a lark on the window sill. The lark looked in at the canary and asked, "What is your purpose?"
"My purpose is to eat seed."
"What for?"
"So I can be strong."
"What for?"
"So I can sing," answered the canary.
"What for?" continued the lark.
"Because when I sing I get more seed."
"So you eat in order to be strong so you can sing so you can get seed so you can eat?"
"Yes."
"There is more to you than that," the lark offered. "If you'll follow me I'll help you find it, but you must first leave your cage."
In the Grip of Grace, Max Lucado
"My purpose is to eat seed."
"What for?"
"So I can be strong."
"What for?"
"So I can sing," answered the canary.
"What for?" continued the lark.
"Because when I sing I get more seed."
"So you eat in order to be strong so you can sing so you can get seed so you can eat?"
"Yes."
"There is more to you than that," the lark offered. "If you'll follow me I'll help you find it, but you must first leave your cage."
In the Grip of Grace, Max Lucado
psalm 42
For the director of music. A maskil of the Sons of Korah.
As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
3 My tears have been my food
day and night,
while men say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"
4 These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
among the festive throng.
5 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and 6 my God.
My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
7 Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.
8 By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.
9 I say to God my Rock,
"Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?"
10 My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"
11 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
3 My tears have been my food
day and night,
while men say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"
4 These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
among the festive throng.
5 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and 6 my God.
My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
7 Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.
8 By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.
9 I say to God my Rock,
"Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?"
10 My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"
11 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
emotional
scream and cry
run and be very still
hug and make up
beat something up
eat everything
lose my appetite
be silent for a day
cuddle for hours
never think again
sleep it off
talk it out
spin around in circles
lay motionless
pray about it
ignore it
what the heck.
run and be very still
hug and make up
beat something up
eat everything
lose my appetite
be silent for a day
cuddle for hours
never think again
sleep it off
talk it out
spin around in circles
lay motionless
pray about it
ignore it
what the heck.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
wishful thinking
I wish I would have been born in the 1870s so I could have lived through the wonders of the 1880s and 90s, partied (with grown kids) in the 20s, been a stingy grandma in the 30s, and senile in the 50s.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
revival!
Recently I have been burdened by all of the pain and disillusionment around me. I can rationalize all of it, chalking it up to the poor economy or the overwhelming nature of the phase of life that so many of my friends and I are in, but those are merely symptoms. The root of our disillusionment is that we have pulled ourselves away from the life water of the Lord Almighty.
Brace yourself for a long post, but I would really like to share a scriptural journey I went on this morning. I pray that it breathes as much vitality and peace into you as it did for me.
My small group is beginning a study of Psalms. As fitting for any study, we started at the beginning with Psalm 1 this week. In it, David lays out the simple distinction between a blessed (righteous) man and a wicked man:
Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.
But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree planted by the streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.
Not so the wicked!
They are like chaff
that the wind blows away.
Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.
For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.
To compare, we looked at Jeremiah 17:5-8 which also outlines the distinction between the blessed and wicked:
This is what the Lord says:
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the Lord.
He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.
But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."
I feel convicted for falling into the wicked half of the t-chart in so many parts of my life. We are literally experiencing a drought in Texas and so often this summer I became fussy and even fearful over the heat and lack of rain. What is happening in the tangible world reflects the state of the spiritual realm. God is not kidding when he speaks these words to us in the scriptures!
Trying not to become even more discouraged, I turned back to Jeremiah 1 as I remembered the entire book being about the fall and redemption of God's chosen Israel. I wanted to remember the depth from which the Lord mercifully restored Israel. I wanted to remember what kept him from destroying his beloved people completely, since that is what they deserved.
This is what the Lord says:
"What fault did your fathers find in me,
that they strayed so far from me?
They followed worthless idols
and became worthless themselves...
I brought you into fertile land
to eat its fruit and rich produce.
But you came and defiled my land
and made my inheritance detestable...
My people have committed two sins:
They have forsaken me,
the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns,
broken cisterns that cannot hold water...
Your wickedness will punish you;
your backsliding will rebuke you.
Consider then and realize
how evil and bitter it is for you
when you forsake the Lord your God
and have no awe of me,"
declares the Lord, the Lord Almighty.
Jeremiah 2
So, the Israelites got things pretty messed up. We have it all pretty messed up too! Thankfully, the Lord is compassionate. He is wrathful and just, but he also keeps his promises:
This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: "Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. Also, seek the peace and prosterity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper." Yes, this is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says: "Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have. They are prophesying lies to you in my name. I have not sent them," declares the Lord.
This is what the Lord says: "When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and i will bring you back from captivity..."
Jeremiah 29:4-14
God is sovereign! He puts in places for us to grow, to learn to rely on Him. He only has good plans for us, yet we so easily believe otherwise. We can have joy and peace in simply living wherever we find ourselves because we can know that God's hand is in it.
In the next chapter of Jeremiah, the time comes for God to restore his people to the land he gave their forefathers. He warns and comforts them, "It will be a time of trouble for Jacob, but he will be saved out of it... So do not fear, O Jacob my servant, do not be dismayed O Israel... I will not completely destroy you. I will discipline you but only with justice; I will not let you go entirely unpunished... Your wound is incurable, your injury beyond healing... But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds." (Jeremiah 30)
Is that incredible or what? This is what I cannot understand about God and what moves me to worship: we are beyond repair in our sinfulness, we should be completely destroyed, but in His perfect wrath, His perfect justice, His perfect love, He choses to restore us. Why? Because it will glorify Him. He says:
"So you will be my people,
and I will be your God."
Jeremiah 30:22
He continues:
"I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with lovingkindness.
I will build you up again
and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel.
Again you will take up your tambourines
and go out to dance with the joyful...
I will lead them beside streams of water
on a level path where they will not stumble,
because I am Israel's father...
I will put my law in their minds
and write it on their hearts.
I will be their God,
and they will be my people.
No longer will a man teach his neighbor,
or a man his brother, saying, 'Know the Lord,'
because they will all know me,
from the least of them to the greatest,"
declares the Lord.
"For I will forgive their wickedness
and will remember their sins no more."
Incredible! He will remember our sins no more. We will be restored to virginity! This is the love of God. This is the power of God. Why do we prostitute ourselves to other things? Why do we settle for less than the Lord Almighty?
We should be moved to repentance, being a 180 degree turn from our selfish ways to those of our gracious Lord. We should be moved to gratitude and thanksgiving, saying: "Give thanks to the Lord Almighty, for the Lord is good; his love endures forever." (Jeremiah 33:11) We should have great relief! We were not made to live without God! He is glorified by our desperate, daily need for Him!
I realize that this redemption story in Jeremiah concerns the Jews, but I'd like to share with you the finale of my journey: the Gospel, as presented by Paul in Acts 13, which is for the Jews and the Gentiles: (I promise this book of a blog post is wrapping up!)
On the Sabbath they entered the synagogue and sat down. After the reading from the Law and the Prophets, the synagogue rulers sent word to them, saying, "Brothers, if you have a message of encouragement for the people, please speak."
Standing up, Paul motioned with his hand and said: "Men of Israel and you Gentiles who worship God, listen to me! The God of the people of Israel chose our fathers; he made the people prosper during their stay in Egypt, with mighty power he led them out of that country, he endured their conduct for about forty years in the desert, he overthrew seven nations in Canaan and gave their land to his people as their inheritance. All this took 450 years.
"After this, God gave them judges until the time of Samuel the prophet. Then the people asked for a king, and he gave them Saul son of Kish, of the tribe of Benjamin, who ruled forty years. After removing Saul, he made David their king. He testified concerning him: 'I have found David son of Jesse a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.'
"From this man's descendants God has brough to Israel the Savior Jesus, as he promised. Before the coming of Jesus, John preached repentance and baptism to all the people of Israel. As John was completing his work, he said: 'Who do you think I am? I am not that one. No, but he is coming after me, whose sandals I am not worthy to untie.'
"Brothers, children of Abraham, and you God-fearing Gentiles, it is to us that this message of salvation has been sent. The people of Jerusalem and their rulers did not recognize Jesus, yet in condemning him they fulfilled the words of the prophets that are read every Sabbath. Though they found no proper ground for a death sentence, they asked Pilate to have him executed. When they had carried out all that was written about him, they took him down from the tree and laid him in a tomb. But God raised him from the dead, and for many days he was seen by those who had traveled with him from Galilee to Jerusalem. They are now his witnesses to our people.
"We tell you the good news: What God promised our fathers he has fulfilled for us, their children, by raising up Jesus. As it is written in the second Psalm:
'You are my Son;
today I have become your Father.' (Psalm 2:7)
The fact that God raised him from the dead, never to decay, is stated in these words:
'I will give you the holy and sure blessings promised to David.' (Isaiah 55:3)
So it is stated elsewhere:
'You will not let your Holy One see decay.' (Psalm 16:10)
"For when David had served God's purpose in his own generation, he fell asleep; he was buried with his fathers and his body decayed. But the one whom God raised from the dead did not see decay.
"Therefore, my brothers, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you. Through him everyone who believes is justified from everything you could be justified from by the law of Moses. Take care that what the prophets have said does not happen to you:
'Look, you scoffers,
wonder and perish,
for I am going to do something in your days
that you would never believe,
even if someone told you.' (Habakkuk 1:5)
People, these words are truth! These words can transform us! We don't have to be slaves to our sin and to this world; we can live in the light of the one who saved us! This should ignite revival among us today as it did for the people in Acts. Jesus Christ has freed us from the trappings of disillusionment and fear. Now we can be the people God made us to be, not by our own strength or for our own shallow betterment, but because God enables us and is glorified by it! Even through we will go through hard seasons, the Lord is sovereign and is in it with us. We must be patient - Israel's restoration took over 450 years! Let's go in peace!
Brace yourself for a long post, but I would really like to share a scriptural journey I went on this morning. I pray that it breathes as much vitality and peace into you as it did for me.
My small group is beginning a study of Psalms. As fitting for any study, we started at the beginning with Psalm 1 this week. In it, David lays out the simple distinction between a blessed (righteous) man and a wicked man:
Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.
But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree planted by the streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.
Not so the wicked!
They are like chaff
that the wind blows away.
Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.
For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.
To compare, we looked at Jeremiah 17:5-8 which also outlines the distinction between the blessed and wicked:
This is what the Lord says:
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the Lord.
He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.
But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."
I feel convicted for falling into the wicked half of the t-chart in so many parts of my life. We are literally experiencing a drought in Texas and so often this summer I became fussy and even fearful over the heat and lack of rain. What is happening in the tangible world reflects the state of the spiritual realm. God is not kidding when he speaks these words to us in the scriptures!
Trying not to become even more discouraged, I turned back to Jeremiah 1 as I remembered the entire book being about the fall and redemption of God's chosen Israel. I wanted to remember the depth from which the Lord mercifully restored Israel. I wanted to remember what kept him from destroying his beloved people completely, since that is what they deserved.
This is what the Lord says:
"What fault did your fathers find in me,
that they strayed so far from me?
They followed worthless idols
and became worthless themselves...
I brought you into fertile land
to eat its fruit and rich produce.
But you came and defiled my land
and made my inheritance detestable...
My people have committed two sins:
They have forsaken me,
the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns,
broken cisterns that cannot hold water...
Your wickedness will punish you;
your backsliding will rebuke you.
Consider then and realize
how evil and bitter it is for you
when you forsake the Lord your God
and have no awe of me,"
declares the Lord, the Lord Almighty.
Jeremiah 2
So, the Israelites got things pretty messed up. We have it all pretty messed up too! Thankfully, the Lord is compassionate. He is wrathful and just, but he also keeps his promises:
This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: "Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. Also, seek the peace and prosterity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper." Yes, this is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says: "Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have. They are prophesying lies to you in my name. I have not sent them," declares the Lord.
This is what the Lord says: "When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and i will bring you back from captivity..."
Jeremiah 29:4-14
God is sovereign! He puts in places for us to grow, to learn to rely on Him. He only has good plans for us, yet we so easily believe otherwise. We can have joy and peace in simply living wherever we find ourselves because we can know that God's hand is in it.
In the next chapter of Jeremiah, the time comes for God to restore his people to the land he gave their forefathers. He warns and comforts them, "It will be a time of trouble for Jacob, but he will be saved out of it... So do not fear, O Jacob my servant, do not be dismayed O Israel... I will not completely destroy you. I will discipline you but only with justice; I will not let you go entirely unpunished... Your wound is incurable, your injury beyond healing... But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds." (Jeremiah 30)
Is that incredible or what? This is what I cannot understand about God and what moves me to worship: we are beyond repair in our sinfulness, we should be completely destroyed, but in His perfect wrath, His perfect justice, His perfect love, He choses to restore us. Why? Because it will glorify Him. He says:
"So you will be my people,
and I will be your God."
Jeremiah 30:22
He continues:
"I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with lovingkindness.
I will build you up again
and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel.
Again you will take up your tambourines
and go out to dance with the joyful...
I will lead them beside streams of water
on a level path where they will not stumble,
because I am Israel's father...
I will put my law in their minds
and write it on their hearts.
I will be their God,
and they will be my people.
No longer will a man teach his neighbor,
or a man his brother, saying, 'Know the Lord,'
because they will all know me,
from the least of them to the greatest,"
declares the Lord.
"For I will forgive their wickedness
and will remember their sins no more."
Incredible! He will remember our sins no more. We will be restored to virginity! This is the love of God. This is the power of God. Why do we prostitute ourselves to other things? Why do we settle for less than the Lord Almighty?
We should be moved to repentance, being a 180 degree turn from our selfish ways to those of our gracious Lord. We should be moved to gratitude and thanksgiving, saying: "Give thanks to the Lord Almighty, for the Lord is good; his love endures forever." (Jeremiah 33:11) We should have great relief! We were not made to live without God! He is glorified by our desperate, daily need for Him!
I realize that this redemption story in Jeremiah concerns the Jews, but I'd like to share with you the finale of my journey: the Gospel, as presented by Paul in Acts 13, which is for the Jews and the Gentiles: (I promise this book of a blog post is wrapping up!)
On the Sabbath they entered the synagogue and sat down. After the reading from the Law and the Prophets, the synagogue rulers sent word to them, saying, "Brothers, if you have a message of encouragement for the people, please speak."
Standing up, Paul motioned with his hand and said: "Men of Israel and you Gentiles who worship God, listen to me! The God of the people of Israel chose our fathers; he made the people prosper during their stay in Egypt, with mighty power he led them out of that country, he endured their conduct for about forty years in the desert, he overthrew seven nations in Canaan and gave their land to his people as their inheritance. All this took 450 years.
"After this, God gave them judges until the time of Samuel the prophet. Then the people asked for a king, and he gave them Saul son of Kish, of the tribe of Benjamin, who ruled forty years. After removing Saul, he made David their king. He testified concerning him: 'I have found David son of Jesse a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.'
"From this man's descendants God has brough to Israel the Savior Jesus, as he promised. Before the coming of Jesus, John preached repentance and baptism to all the people of Israel. As John was completing his work, he said: 'Who do you think I am? I am not that one. No, but he is coming after me, whose sandals I am not worthy to untie.'
"Brothers, children of Abraham, and you God-fearing Gentiles, it is to us that this message of salvation has been sent. The people of Jerusalem and their rulers did not recognize Jesus, yet in condemning him they fulfilled the words of the prophets that are read every Sabbath. Though they found no proper ground for a death sentence, they asked Pilate to have him executed. When they had carried out all that was written about him, they took him down from the tree and laid him in a tomb. But God raised him from the dead, and for many days he was seen by those who had traveled with him from Galilee to Jerusalem. They are now his witnesses to our people.
"We tell you the good news: What God promised our fathers he has fulfilled for us, their children, by raising up Jesus. As it is written in the second Psalm:
'You are my Son;
today I have become your Father.' (Psalm 2:7)
The fact that God raised him from the dead, never to decay, is stated in these words:
'I will give you the holy and sure blessings promised to David.' (Isaiah 55:3)
So it is stated elsewhere:
'You will not let your Holy One see decay.' (Psalm 16:10)
"For when David had served God's purpose in his own generation, he fell asleep; he was buried with his fathers and his body decayed. But the one whom God raised from the dead did not see decay.
"Therefore, my brothers, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you. Through him everyone who believes is justified from everything you could be justified from by the law of Moses. Take care that what the prophets have said does not happen to you:
'Look, you scoffers,
wonder and perish,
for I am going to do something in your days
that you would never believe,
even if someone told you.' (Habakkuk 1:5)
People, these words are truth! These words can transform us! We don't have to be slaves to our sin and to this world; we can live in the light of the one who saved us! This should ignite revival among us today as it did for the people in Acts. Jesus Christ has freed us from the trappings of disillusionment and fear. Now we can be the people God made us to be, not by our own strength or for our own shallow betterment, but because God enables us and is glorified by it! Even through we will go through hard seasons, the Lord is sovereign and is in it with us. We must be patient - Israel's restoration took over 450 years! Let's go in peace!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
agreed
If film is made possible only by technology but is enriched by artistic creativity, architecture is foundationally based on the art of space making and is enriched with technology.
Monday, July 20, 2009
be still
As Pharaoh approached, the Israelites looked up, and there were the Egyptians, marching after them. They were terrified and cried out to the Lord. They said to Moses, "Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egpyt? Didn't we say to you in Egypt, 'Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians'? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!"
Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."
Exodus 14:10-14
Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."
Exodus 14:10-14
Monday, July 13, 2009
potential
Does anyone else have this anxious impatience to do everything at once? It's overwhelming. When I think about everything I want to accomplish in this short life (start an environmental design company, mine landfills, become fluent in Spanish and German), everything I want to be a part of (a wonderful marriage, raising kids, an amazing church), all of the interests I want to explore (world travel, missions, literature, film, theater, music, art, cooking), and all of the potential that I have, I become paralyzed and unable to do any of it at all. Why is that? What's stopping me? Or am I just being impatient and need to take my time? Do I need to reassure myself that it will all happen - that what's really important will be completed? Am I lazy or am I just enjoying my free time?
I project an image that I am extremely productive, that I am intelligent and capable. Am I lying? I enjoy being productive, but I also enjoy sitting still. I crave achievement, and I simultaneously crave taking it easy. Is the pressure to be a self-made (wo)man yesterday ridiculous?
I have so many ideas that I must see realized. I have a mental list of dozens of books I have to read in addition to the handful I've started and have yet to finish. There's a Netflix queue with 57 films on it. Is there enough time?
I'm a pretty creative person, but every time I sit down to design something, even just to sketch, I experience this indescribable rush of fear and hesitance that often causes me to stand up and walk away. What am I afraid of? Failure? Disappointment? According to who?
Then I see films like this one: http://www.bonnieberrydesign.com/melancholia/movie/dep_final.mov I'm temporarily motivated but ultimately convinced that I won't measure up. Holy cow. (I reference the movie not for the subject matter but for its moving creativity. Bonnie Berry is a designer/mom and I'm thoroughly impressed with her work.)
I am six days away from my twenty-first birthday and two years away from finishing my first professional degree. I know no one expects me to have it figured out, but why do I feel so much pressure? Inhale. Exhale.
I project an image that I am extremely productive, that I am intelligent and capable. Am I lying? I enjoy being productive, but I also enjoy sitting still. I crave achievement, and I simultaneously crave taking it easy. Is the pressure to be a self-made (wo)man yesterday ridiculous?
I have so many ideas that I must see realized. I have a mental list of dozens of books I have to read in addition to the handful I've started and have yet to finish. There's a Netflix queue with 57 films on it. Is there enough time?
I'm a pretty creative person, but every time I sit down to design something, even just to sketch, I experience this indescribable rush of fear and hesitance that often causes me to stand up and walk away. What am I afraid of? Failure? Disappointment? According to who?
Then I see films like this one: http://www.bonnieberrydesign.com/melancholia/movie/dep_final.mov I'm temporarily motivated but ultimately convinced that I won't measure up. Holy cow. (I reference the movie not for the subject matter but for its moving creativity. Bonnie Berry is a designer/mom and I'm thoroughly impressed with her work.)
I am six days away from my twenty-first birthday and two years away from finishing my first professional degree. I know no one expects me to have it figured out, but why do I feel so much pressure? Inhale. Exhale.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
perseverance and stubbornness
I have been recently thinking a lot about the difference between perseverance and stubbornness, the former having a positive connotation and the latter not so much. Someone who is persevering has the wisdom to see future good beyond less than optimum present circumstances. In this way, a persevering person does not selfishly seek comfort or convenience, but is willing to make sacrifices and work toward a better good. A stubborn person, on the other hand, lacks (or chooses not to use) his abilty to see his role in a bigger plan or make small sacrifices no matter how big they may seem at the time. Funny that I see both in myself...
Moses struggled between the two. God gave him a huge job to do (So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt. Exodus 3:10), but Moses doubted his ability, and worse yet, God's ability, and stubbornly argued with God about the trouble that followed his efforts. David Guzik, my favorite commentary writer describes their conversation (how cool would it be to literally have a conversation with the being of God?!):
(22-23) Moses complains of his station to God.
a. Moses is good in his example of boldly pouring out his heart to God; but he falls short in remembering God's promise.
b. Back at the burning bush, God said: But I am sure that the king of Egypt will not let you go, no, not even by a mighty hand. So I will stretch out My hand and strike Egypt with all My wonders which I will do in its midst; and after that he will let you go. (Exodus 3:19-20) As far as God is concerned, everything is moving according to plan.
i. Even though God had warned Moses, it seems that he had hoped it would all come easy - Moses would ask, Pharaoh would say yes, and God would be glorified. Why else would Moses say, neither have You delivered Your people at all?
c. In this tough time, the same old fears come crashing in on Moses: "I'm not the man God should send;" "God won't come through;" "Pharaoh and the Egyptians are too strong." There was still unbelief and lack of focus on God that had to be cleared out of Moses!
i. "The agony of soul through which Moses passed must have been as death to him. He died to his self-esteem, to his castle-building, to pride in his miracles, to the enthusiasm of his people, to everything that a popular leader loves. As he lay there on the ground alone before God, wishing himself back in Midian, and thinking himself hardly used, he was falling as a grain of wheat into the ground to die, no longer to abide alone, but to bear much fruit." (Meyer)
ii. Moses probably thought that the dying to himself was finished after forty years of tending sheep in Midian. But it wasn't. It never is. God still will use adversity to train us to trust in Him until the day we go to be with Him in heaven. (http://www.studylight.org/com/guz/view.cgi?book=ex&chapter=5&verse=1#Ex5_1)
Moses forgot God's constant promise of deliverance and His power to accomplish it. The difference between perseverance and stubbornness is that only perseverance is from God.
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Romans 5:1-8
Funny that the perseverance (which is by its nature something to be achieved but also something to be followed by a greater something) we are able to have through Christ alone is not the end of it. He also wants to grow us in character and hope which will never disappoint us! Amazed once again.
Moses struggled between the two. God gave him a huge job to do (So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt. Exodus 3:10), but Moses doubted his ability, and worse yet, God's ability, and stubbornly argued with God about the trouble that followed his efforts. David Guzik, my favorite commentary writer describes their conversation (how cool would it be to literally have a conversation with the being of God?!):
(22-23) Moses complains of his station to God.
a. Moses is good in his example of boldly pouring out his heart to God; but he falls short in remembering God's promise.
b. Back at the burning bush, God said: But I am sure that the king of Egypt will not let you go, no, not even by a mighty hand. So I will stretch out My hand and strike Egypt with all My wonders which I will do in its midst; and after that he will let you go. (Exodus 3:19-20) As far as God is concerned, everything is moving according to plan.
i. Even though God had warned Moses, it seems that he had hoped it would all come easy - Moses would ask, Pharaoh would say yes, and God would be glorified. Why else would Moses say, neither have You delivered Your people at all?
c. In this tough time, the same old fears come crashing in on Moses: "I'm not the man God should send;" "God won't come through;" "Pharaoh and the Egyptians are too strong." There was still unbelief and lack of focus on God that had to be cleared out of Moses!
i. "The agony of soul through which Moses passed must have been as death to him. He died to his self-esteem, to his castle-building, to pride in his miracles, to the enthusiasm of his people, to everything that a popular leader loves. As he lay there on the ground alone before God, wishing himself back in Midian, and thinking himself hardly used, he was falling as a grain of wheat into the ground to die, no longer to abide alone, but to bear much fruit." (Meyer)
ii. Moses probably thought that the dying to himself was finished after forty years of tending sheep in Midian. But it wasn't. It never is. God still will use adversity to train us to trust in Him until the day we go to be with Him in heaven. (http://www.studylight.org/com/guz/view.cgi?book=ex&chapter=5&verse=1#Ex5_1)
Moses forgot God's constant promise of deliverance and His power to accomplish it. The difference between perseverance and stubbornness is that only perseverance is from God.
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Romans 5:1-8
Funny that the perseverance (which is by its nature something to be achieved but also something to be followed by a greater something) we are able to have through Christ alone is not the end of it. He also wants to grow us in character and hope which will never disappoint us! Amazed once again.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
flighty, fickle, fleshy people
Oswald Chambers (1874-1917), who is best known for his daily devotional My Utmost for His Highest, abandoned his art and archaeology degree to obey a calling to ministry. Once in seminary he found it unsatisfying and the Bible dull, so he traveled, married, and finally came back around to founding a Bible college in London. Only four years later, he followed a calling to the war and was placed as YMCA chaplain in Egypt. Here he was not killed in the Battle of Gallipoli, but almost a year later at the age of 43 of a ruptured appendix!
This renowned author only wrote one book himself, Baffled to Fight Better: Job and the Problem of Suffering. His wife “Biddy” (Gertrude Hobbs), who Chambers married while seemingly running away from his calling to ministry, was a stenographer and recorded his lessons verbatim. She spent the rest of her life compiling her records to publish the bulk of the work that bears her husband’s name.
God blows my mind! He uses flighty, fickle, fleshy people to accomplish his work and it amazes me every time I think about it. Just like with Adam, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Job, Daniel, Moses, Jonah, Samuel and David, God accomplishes his will in spite of our shortcomings. Literally, thank God!
This renowned author only wrote one book himself, Baffled to Fight Better: Job and the Problem of Suffering. His wife “Biddy” (Gertrude Hobbs), who Chambers married while seemingly running away from his calling to ministry, was a stenographer and recorded his lessons verbatim. She spent the rest of her life compiling her records to publish the bulk of the work that bears her husband’s name.
God blows my mind! He uses flighty, fickle, fleshy people to accomplish his work and it amazes me every time I think about it. Just like with Adam, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Job, Daniel, Moses, Jonah, Samuel and David, God accomplishes his will in spite of our shortcomings. Literally, thank God!
Monday, June 22, 2009
my eyes are ever on the lord
I am so thankful for David. His poetry reveals so much of the heart of God and, in contrast, the heart of man. I was initially drawn to the strength of language in the second half of Psalm 25 with which I couldn't write but felt myself. And now I know the tenderness of the first half which I pray for myself and you.
Is God not amazing that he blesses us with words and language, poetry and song, to express the intense feelings and emotions within us? It is only with these seemingly inadequate words that we can communicate with Him, our Creator and Savior, and it is only with these that we can communicate with each other the beauty and splendor and hardship and turmoil of this world. Incredible.
I'm posting the rest of Psalm 25 for you. On its own it is beautiful and complete, but I hope you will also read Charles Spurgeon's commentary from The Treasury of David. This man was a genius, his words a gift. http://www.studylight.org/com/tod/view.cgi?book=ps&chapter=25&verse=1#Ps25_1 (You have to read each verse separately but it's well worth your time!)
To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul;
in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.
Show me your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellios ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O Lord.
Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.
All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
For the sake of you name, O Lord,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
Who, then, is the man that fears the Lord?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
He will spend his days in prosperity,
and his descendants will inherit the land.
The Lord confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.
My eyes are ever on the Lord,
for only he will release my foot from the snare.
Psalm 25:1-15
Is God not amazing that he blesses us with words and language, poetry and song, to express the intense feelings and emotions within us? It is only with these seemingly inadequate words that we can communicate with Him, our Creator and Savior, and it is only with these that we can communicate with each other the beauty and splendor and hardship and turmoil of this world. Incredible.
I'm posting the rest of Psalm 25 for you. On its own it is beautiful and complete, but I hope you will also read Charles Spurgeon's commentary from The Treasury of David. This man was a genius, his words a gift. http://www.studylight.org/com/tod/view.cgi?book=ps&chapter=25&verse=1#Ps25_1 (You have to read each verse separately but it's well worth your time!)
To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul;
in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.
Show me your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellios ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O Lord.
Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.
All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
For the sake of you name, O Lord,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
Who, then, is the man that fears the Lord?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
He will spend his days in prosperity,
and his descendants will inherit the land.
The Lord confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.
My eyes are ever on the Lord,
for only he will release my foot from the snare.
Psalm 25:1-15
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
i take refuge in you
A Prayer of David.
Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
free me from my anguish.
Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away my sins.
See how my enemies have increased
and how they hate me!
Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.
Redeem Israel, O God,
from all their troubles.
Psalm 25:16-22
And I pray for you,
be encouraged,
and know that you are loved.
Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
free me from my anguish.
Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away my sins.
See how my enemies have increased
and how they hate me!
Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.
Redeem Israel, O God,
from all their troubles.
Psalm 25:16-22
And I pray for you,
be encouraged,
and know that you are loved.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
amusingly arrogant
I must follow my previous, quite satirical and borderline rude post with the following quotation I happened upon today.
Nothing can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own.
Sydney J. Harris, a genius of a journalist said that, and I wrote it down because I am sure I am that arrogant young (wo)man. I learn things in school or on TV or even in a bible study and repeat them with some claim of ownership as if the person listening to me should thank me for imparting this enlightened bit of information to them. Even the small, insubstantial connections I fully believe that I have drawn completely on my own are all silly and immature.
Thank you, Mr. Harris for serving me a slice of humble pie today. I have no idea of the context in which you wrote such a one-liner, but I appreciate your insight.
Here are a couple other quotations of his for thought:
A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future.
An idealist believes the short run doesn’t count. A cynic believes the long run doesn’t matter. A realist believes that what is done or left undone in the short run determines the long run.
Nothing can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own.
Sydney J. Harris, a genius of a journalist said that, and I wrote it down because I am sure I am that arrogant young (wo)man. I learn things in school or on TV or even in a bible study and repeat them with some claim of ownership as if the person listening to me should thank me for imparting this enlightened bit of information to them. Even the small, insubstantial connections I fully believe that I have drawn completely on my own are all silly and immature.
Thank you, Mr. Harris for serving me a slice of humble pie today. I have no idea of the context in which you wrote such a one-liner, but I appreciate your insight.
Here are a couple other quotations of his for thought:
A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future.
An idealist believes the short run doesn’t count. A cynic believes the long run doesn’t matter. A realist believes that what is done or left undone in the short run determines the long run.
Monday, June 8, 2009
lessons of a third-year
As a going-on-fourth-year architecture student, I can look back and say that I think my brain has been overhauled. I feel that I have now been sufficiently trained to see and consider e v e r y t h i n g. I cannot walk or bike or drive or sit anywhere without dissecting the room, street, or park in which I presently exist into its constituent parts – those that I know of and have seen used (un)successfully in project XYZ, those that are new to me, and those that I dislike – and then judge each part’s and the greater whole’s purpose and success. I’d tell you it’s exhausting or annoying if it was, but I can’t.
Since beginning my schooling in the UTSOA this training has hyper-developed my natural audio-visual learning style as I am expected to recall Building DEF by I Also Wear Cool Glasses and its structure, environmental controls, and location for impromptu use in a review at any given time. Lectures consist of a presentation with hundreds of images, hopefully laid out in a consistent format as my more anal professors would demand. Class discussions compare and contrast theories and ideas across countries and decades.
At first, I was completely lost. I felt like everyone was speaking another language and all I could do was hold on with the few words I knew, but it all comes easier now. Everyone will always know something that I don’t, and I think that’s the point. Now, however, when someone refers to a sexy section that Another Designer Photographed in Black published in PERIODICAL from an Exhibition with White Walls, I might know what they’re talking about.
Since beginning my schooling in the UTSOA this training has hyper-developed my natural audio-visual learning style as I am expected to recall Building DEF by I Also Wear Cool Glasses and its structure, environmental controls, and location for impromptu use in a review at any given time. Lectures consist of a presentation with hundreds of images, hopefully laid out in a consistent format as my more anal professors would demand. Class discussions compare and contrast theories and ideas across countries and decades.
At first, I was completely lost. I felt like everyone was speaking another language and all I could do was hold on with the few words I knew, but it all comes easier now. Everyone will always know something that I don’t, and I think that’s the point. Now, however, when someone refers to a sexy section that Another Designer Photographed in Black published in PERIODICAL from an Exhibition with White Walls, I might know what they’re talking about.
Friday, June 5, 2009
here goes nothing
I’ve been unconvinced of blogs’ effectiveness in reaching a readership until recently, when I noticed how many people are doing it. It surprised me to realize who was “blogging,” (by the way, new words like blogging and tweeting crack me up) and that the subject matter was more than “Today I woke up and stubbed my toe on the nightstand. It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.” So to jump on the bandwagon, I too want to share with whoever cares the thoughts and questions that pop into my head. I have to admit that I have pretty low expectations for anything I write to change someone’s life or make a difference in the world, but I like the idea of possibly continuing the conversations I have with friends or exposing some half-baked idea to you, whoever you are. So, please don’t take anything I say as anything more than a cyber version of verbal processing and, most of all, please contribute. I’d really like to hear what you think.
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