Well, it has been 15 months since my last post! So much has happened, but I've decided to start up again for myself and whoever is "following" me. (Please join my "followers" so I can "follow" you too!!)
It's comical really that my last major post was about trusting in the Lord's goodness because many major life events later I am still learning that lesson! After a week of procrastinating (euphemism for being scared) from turning on my computer and getting to work on getting my post-graduation and, more significantly, my post-Italy life in order, I (sadly?) find myself in the same position of needing to remind myself to trust the Lord.
In the last week I've finished a couple of books and bible studies that lingered beyond my six-week Bologna syllabus (thanks, Fatima), so today I returned to my Bible reading plan where I left off in the middle of 1 Samuel. Like a sucker punch to the face it hit me (again): I am a dumb Israelite.
Cue the scene just after Saul has been chosen as king (despite his hiding in the luggage in 10:22 - definitely resonates with me) and promptly defeats the Ammonites (despite "some worthless fellows" questioning God's choice in 10:27 - oops, this is me too). How many times do the Israelites need to be reminded of God's sovereignty?! They wept at the thought of their right eyes being gouged out by their enemy and Saul had to threaten them with killing all of their oxen to join him in battle because they didn't trust the Lord.
One of the things I learned in Italy was that God is faithful to provide whatever I need. I can trust Him because He has promised to provide and I only have evidence to support his faithfulness in the past; therefore, I can trust Him to graciously provide for me in the future. I left Italy confident that I could go home and trust God to provide a city for me to move to, a job, a place to live, a church, new friends, everything. Yet, right away I started to feel overwhelmed! And it took me a whole week to summon the courage to just turn on my computer! Good grief!
The story continues... After the silly, doubting, chicken Israelites were shown that Saul was a capable king (and exactly what they had asked for), they tell Samuel to kill all the men who doubted... and this is my favorite part: 11:13 says, "But Saul said, 'Not a man shall be put to death this day, for today the Lord has worked salvation in Israel.'"
The Spirit had surely filled Saul. He "held his peace" when the "worthless fellows" questioned him (10:27) and when they all wept, assuming defeat (10:3-6). He wrangled up an army of cowards to defeat the enemy (10:7-11), and then he had grace with them and pursued renewing the kingdom instead of punishing them as they deserved (10:12-15). Isn't that a glimpse of how God is with us? Those wayward Israelites were saved, once again. God saved me from anxiety and doubt, again, today.
As Samuel bids them farewell, he begs them to "stand still" and listen as he recounts God's grace and patience with the Israelites through their history. (And I recount that God saw me through architecture school, several break ups, Seattle, Italy...) Then Samuel says:
12:13"And now behold the king whom you have chosen, for whom you have asked; behold, the Lord has set a king over you. 14If you will fear the Lord and serve him and obey his voice and not rebel against the commandment of the Lord, and if both you and the king who reigns over you will follow the Lord your God, it will be well. 15But if you will not obey the voice of the Lord, but rebel against the commandment of the Lord, then the hand of the Lord will be against you and your King. 16Now therefore stand still and see this great thing that the Lord will do before your eyes... (and Samuel calls upon the Lord to send down thunder and rain... and the Lord does because He is merciful enough to prove himself to us. And then the people fear death for their evildoing, but...) 20And Samuel said to the people, "Do not be afraid; you have done all this evil. Yet do not turn aside from following the Lord, but serve the Lord with all your heart. 21And do not turn aside after empty things that cannot profit or deliver, for they are empty. 22For the Lord will not forsake his people, for his great name's sake, because it has pleased the Lord to make you a people for himself. 23Moreover, as for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by ceasing to pray for you, and I will instruct you in the good and the right way. 24Only fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you.
God is gracious with us. He takes pleasure in being gracious with us. All He asks is for us to love Him with all of our heart, to trust Him. The story in 1 Samuel 10-12 isn't the first (or the last time) the Israelites forgot to trust the Lord, nor was this week my first or last. God will graciously provide for me in the coming months, even though I'm as crazy as an Israelite, because He loves me.
