agreed

If film is made possible only by technology but is enriched by artistic creativity, architecture is foundationally based on the art of space making and is enriched with technology.

be still

As Pharaoh approached, the Israelites looked up, and there were the Egyptians, marching after them. They were terrified and cried out to the Lord. They said to Moses, "Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egpyt? Didn't we say to you in Egypt, 'Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians'? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!"

Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."

Exodus 14:10-14

potential

Does anyone else have this anxious impatience to do everything at once? It's overwhelming. When I think about everything I want to accomplish in this short life (start an environmental design company, mine landfills, become fluent in Spanish and German), everything I want to be a part of (a wonderful marriage, raising kids, an amazing church), all of the interests I want to explore (world travel, missions, literature, film, theater, music, art, cooking), and all of the potential that I have, I become paralyzed and unable to do any of it at all. Why is that? What's stopping me? Or am I just being impatient and need to take my time? Do I need to reassure myself that it will all happen - that what's really important will be completed? Am I lazy or am I just enjoying my free time?

I project an image that I am extremely productive, that I am intelligent and capable. Am I lying? I enjoy being productive, but I also enjoy sitting still. I crave achievement, and I simultaneously crave taking it easy. Is the pressure to be a self-made (wo)man yesterday ridiculous?

I have so many ideas that I must see realized. I have a mental list of dozens of books I have to read in addition to the handful I've started and have yet to finish. There's a Netflix queue with 57 films on it. Is there enough time?

I'm a pretty creative person, but every time I sit down to design something, even just to sketch, I experience this indescribable rush of fear and hesitance that often causes me to stand up and walk away. What am I afraid of? Failure? Disappointment? According to who?

Then I see films like this one: http://www.bonnieberrydesign.com/melancholia/movie/dep_final.mov I'm temporarily motivated but ultimately convinced that I won't measure up. Holy cow. (I reference the movie not for the subject matter but for its moving creativity. Bonnie Berry is a designer/mom and I'm thoroughly impressed with her work.)

I am six days away from my twenty-first birthday and two years away from finishing my first professional degree. I know no one expects me to have it figured out, but why do I feel so much pressure? Inhale. Exhale.

perseverance and stubbornness

I have been recently thinking a lot about the difference between perseverance and stubbornness, the former having a positive connotation and the latter not so much. Someone who is persevering has the wisdom to see future good beyond less than optimum present circumstances. In this way, a persevering person does not selfishly seek comfort or convenience, but is willing to make sacrifices and work toward a better good. A stubborn person, on the other hand, lacks (or chooses not to use) his abilty to see his role in a bigger plan or make small sacrifices no matter how big they may seem at the time. Funny that I see both in myself...

Moses struggled between the two. God gave him a huge job to do (So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt. Exodus 3:10), but Moses doubted his ability, and worse yet, God's ability, and stubbornly argued with God about the trouble that followed his efforts. David Guzik, my favorite commentary writer describes their conversation (how cool would it be to literally have a conversation with the being of God?!):
(22-23) Moses complains of his station to God.
a. Moses is good in his example of boldly pouring out his heart to God; but he falls short in remembering God's promise.
b. Back at the burning bush, God said: But I am sure that the king of Egypt will not let you go, no, not even by a mighty hand. So I will stretch out My hand and strike Egypt with all My wonders which I will do in its midst; and after that he will let you go. (Exodus 3:19-20) As far as God is concerned, everything is moving according to plan.
i. Even though God had warned Moses, it seems that he had hoped it would all come easy - Moses would ask, Pharaoh would say yes, and God would be glorified. Why else would Moses say, neither have You delivered Your people at all?
c. In this tough time, the same old fears come crashing in on Moses: "I'm not the man God should send;" "God won't come through;" "Pharaoh and the Egyptians are too strong." There was still unbelief and lack of focus on God that had to be cleared out of Moses!
i. "The agony of soul through which Moses passed must have been as death to him. He died to his self-esteem, to his castle-building, to pride in his miracles, to the enthusiasm of his people, to everything that a popular leader loves. As he lay there on the ground alone before God, wishing himself back in Midian, and thinking himself hardly used, he was falling as a grain of wheat into the ground to die, no longer to abide alone, but to bear much fruit." (Meyer)
ii. Moses probably thought that the dying to himself was finished after forty years of tending sheep in Midian. But it wasn't. It never is. God still will use adversity to train us to trust in Him until the day we go to be with Him in heaven. (http://www.studylight.org/com/guz/view.cgi?book=ex&chapter=5&verse=1#Ex5_1)

Moses forgot God's constant promise of deliverance and His power to accomplish it. The difference between perseverance and stubbornness is that only perseverance is from God.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Romans 5:1-8

Funny that the perseverance (which is by its nature something to be achieved but also something to be followed by a greater something) we are able to have through Christ alone is not the end of it. He also wants to grow us in character and hope which will never disappoint us! Amazed once again.

flighty, fickle, fleshy people

Oswald Chambers (1874-1917), who is best known for his daily devotional My Utmost for His Highest, abandoned his art and archaeology degree to obey a calling to ministry. Once in seminary he found it unsatisfying and the Bible dull, so he traveled, married, and finally came back around to founding a Bible college in London. Only four years later, he followed a calling to the war and was placed as YMCA chaplain in Egypt. Here he was not killed in the Battle of Gallipoli, but almost a year later at the age of 43 of a ruptured appendix!

This renowned author only wrote one book himself, Baffled to Fight Better: Job and the Problem of Suffering. His wife “Biddy” (Gertrude Hobbs), who Chambers married while seemingly running away from his calling to ministry, was a stenographer and recorded his lessons verbatim. She spent the rest of her life compiling her records to publish the bulk of the work that bears her husband’s name.

God blows my mind! He uses flighty, fickle, fleshy people to accomplish his work and it amazes me every time I think about it. Just like with Adam, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Job, Daniel, Moses, Jonah, Samuel and David, God accomplishes his will in spite of our shortcomings. Literally, thank God!

my eyes are ever on the lord

I am so thankful for David. His poetry reveals so much of the heart of God and, in contrast, the heart of man. I was initially drawn to the strength of language in the second half of Psalm 25 with which I couldn't write but felt myself. And now I know the tenderness of the first half which I pray for myself and you.

Is God not amazing that he blesses us with words and language, poetry and song, to express the intense feelings and emotions within us? It is only with these seemingly inadequate words that we can communicate with Him, our Creator and Savior, and it is only with these that we can communicate with each other the beauty and splendor and hardship and turmoil of this world. Incredible.

I'm posting the rest of Psalm 25 for you. On its own it is beautiful and complete, but I hope you will also read Charles Spurgeon's commentary from The Treasury of David. This man was a genius, his words a gift. http://www.studylight.org/com/tod/view.cgi?book=ps&chapter=25&verse=1#Ps25_1 (You have to read each verse separately but it's well worth your time!)


To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul;
in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.

Show me your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellios ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O Lord.

Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.
All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
For the sake of you name, O Lord,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
Who, then, is the man that fears the Lord?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
He will spend his days in prosperity,
and his descendants will inherit the land.
The Lord confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.
My eyes are ever on the Lord,
for only he will release my foot from the snare.

Psalm 25:1-15

i take refuge in you

A Prayer of David.

Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
free me from my anguish.
Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away my sins.
See how my enemies have increased
and how they hate me!
Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.
Redeem Israel, O God,
from all their troubles.
Psalm 25:16-22

And I pray for you,
be encouraged,
and know that you are loved.